Born to Die
by DulcetsandDalliance
Summary: This is war. One cannot afford to grow attached to people who will only disappear in a blink of an eye. He learned this the hard way, on his very first expedition, when somebody he cared deeply for sacrificed their life for him. Years have passed, he's now Lance Corporal, and among the new recruits he finds someone who bares a strong resemblance to her. But what's she hiding?


**Attack on Titan fanfic "Born to Die"**

**Chapter 1 - Year ?: Outside the Wall Maria**

"Don't do this. I can get you out of here, I promise," a male's shaky voice choked out against the drumming of rain on forest floor. His frantic hands grabbed and pulled desperately at the vice grip of a titan's fist.

The body trapped within squirmed in discomfort, releasing haggard coughs and forced breaths, dotting the edges of her paling lips in blood.

"I know you can…" the female voiced paused to sharply inhale before speaking again. "But you need to get out of here before it's too late...before more of them come…" Beyond the rustling of the trees were the sounds of faint but heavy footsteps.

The male was still desperately trying to pry the titan's thick fingers off, but to no use. The grip was locked shut. He slammed his fists with his remaining strength against the monster's hand, cursing when the shock reverberated through his body, reminding him that he was also badly injured. As much as he wished right now to ignore his logical mind, he knew that only one of them could make it out of this situation. He slammed his fists down again.

A mixture of teardrops and rainwater collected in the female's misty green eyes as she clutched onto her companion's arm with her left hand. It was the only limb she could move.

She was thankful that the rest of her mangled body was hidden underneath the fingers that trapped her. Even now, threateningly close to the end of her life, she was still too proud to show any evidence of her defeat.

She pushed that thought from her mind as she struggled to speak to the male, "You need to leave. Now."

The adamant teen ignored again.

"Listen to me. If you don't go, who will warn the other squad's about the titan ambush waiting in the trees?" she exhaled. His head lifted slightly, but tilted downward again.

"You have to leave. You're the only one left of our squad, Levi." His fists were clenched and trembling in his lap.

"God damn it! This isn't happening!" the raven haired male looked up and screamed at the thundering sky, as if somehow it would hear and take pity on him.

"This is all my fault. All because I miscalculated. How was I supposed to know the fucking thing could _jump_! Fuck, fuck _fuck_, how did this even happen?" Young Levi ceased his attempts at the titan's fist, and instead sat at his cut knees, glaring down at his hands. He coughed to choke down the rising bile in his throat as images of the fight flashed through his mind.

He blinked once, and suddenly soldiers all around him were dying as he flew in between the forest trees. He blinked again, and another soldier disappeared out of the air from his side. Another blink, another gone. Each of them were smashed away by titan hands right into the tall forest trees or worse...into their mouths. "_How the hell can they reach up to the treetops?" _

He blinked again and suddenly he too was snatched out of the air and into the giant overheated palm of a titan. This was no ordinary titan either. He knew it the second it jumped for him. Mankind had never before come across a titan capable of jumping almost twice it's own height into the air. He cursed to himself for getting caught just like any other soldier. He graduated second rank in his class goddammit, just to be fed to this mindless meat sack.

Slowly being risen to near level with the disgusting unhygienic mouth of the beast, he could do nothing but brace himself. Any attempts at kicking his way out had no effect on the beast.

What he felt more than anything at that moment, more than the anger of being helpless, and even more than the fear of imminent death, was disappointment. Three years of training, gone to waste on their very first expedition. Three years of morning runs, shitty cafeteria food, stupid exercises, and Hanji and Sera's incessant teasing. _Sera, that smug sarcastic idiot. Always testing me, always competing with me, always annoying me...Better her than any of those other morons, though. I'm sure those three years would have been even worse without her…_

A brief image of his redheaded rival's face flashed through his mind. She was smirking.

""Fuck, if the brat were to see me like this. She'd never let me forget it."he chuckled darkly as he shut his eyes in anticipation. His skin crawled as he approached the putrid stench of the beast's mouth. He was just glad he had his eyes closed.

He blinked once. Nothing happened.

And again.

He blinked again, this time keeping his eyes open, shocked as he realized that he was now on the forest floor. A crack from his rib cage, followed by white hot waves of pain in his upper abdomen when he struggled to sit up told him that he must have fallen from a great height. Maybe ten meters or so.

He looked up and saw that it was raining. The droplets dampened his grime stained hair and cheeks and he inwardly cringed at how filthy he was. He questioned when he had gone unconscious, and for how long. More importantly, he wondered why he was even alive in the first place.

He heard a low groan from a human behind him and turned to find his answer.

One he wished he never had found.

Behind him was the still body of the aberrant that almost killed him. It had deep cuts in its nape, the warped smile still present on its lips...and a redheaded female slumped downward in the monster's right fist.

After years of training together, years of fighting by each other's side, years of protecting each other, it didn't take Levi long to figure out who it was that sacrificed themselves for his sake.

Not long at all. But he spend an eternity wishing it had been someone else.

He replayed this scene over and over in his head, analyzing what he could have done to change things, but it only caused him to sink deeper and deeper in depression. At seventeen years of age, he had already known Death. He had witnessed him take away countless lives around him, especially now in his line of work. But none of them hurt him like this did. He was supposed to be used to people dying like this. He mentally berated himself for getting soft, though he had an idea what, or who, was the cause of this. Figures that in the end it would be the one person he could not protect. He screamed in frustration at the empty black sky then resumed his intense glare down at his hands.

The only response he received were streaks of lightning across the empty blackness, followed by an even heavier downpour of rain

He was shocked out of his self loathing state by the ground-shaking thuds of a titan in the distance. He slowly turned his head in the direction of the sound, listening to the rustling of the treetops. It was heading in their direction. As he sunk deeper into this dark state, he questioned whether or not he should leave at all. Who's to say even if he left that he would make it back to the wall at all? What if the monsters that devoured his teammates still weren't satisfied and pursued him instead?

The female soldier next to him could almost read his thoughts, seeing the looks of defeat taint his once proud, collected, sometimes cold features. His patented glare was reduced to an empty stare.

She had to say something. If it was the last thing she could accomplish as a soldier on this earth, as a friend, she knew she had to convince this broken man to survive.

Although it strained her every remaining muscle to do so, she gripped the raven haired soldier's forearm with all her strength. She was sure even with her state, she could cause him enough pain to shock him back into attention. She did so and even after leaving angry red splotches around her grip, she saw that he still was not with her. She dug her fingernails into his pale skin, dotting it deep red with his blood. This sudden pain seemed to do the trick, his eyes regained their startled glare for just a moment, enough to give her his attention. She coughed to clear her throat before speaking possibly her very last words to her dear friend..

"Don't look so defeated, not yet." The pained look she received told her she was going to have to do better than that.

"You're going to make it back, and you're gonna be the best goddamn soldier this war has ever seen. You are going to win. If there's anyone who can do it, it's you," she sighed. "Do it for the both of us." she smiled slightly, determination making home in her green eyes.

She silently congratulated herself for getting all this out without choking, either from her weakened state or the creeping sadness that was now threatening to take her. However, she did her best to mask this with her kindest smile, followed by a slight smirk lifting the edges of her pale lips.

"Just pretend it's me you're competing with, like old days. Because I'm damn well sure if it was you'd rather die than lose to me," she weakly chuckled, adding her usual challenging tone.

Even like this, that brat always had a way of pulling on his heartstrings, ones she often teased that he never had. But this, this was all the motivation he needed to stand up again. The pain still felt raw in his chest, but he found it in him to ignore them by focusing on her words. _Survive. Win. _

He took a reassuring look at his friend, and he saw in her glowing emerald eyes a look of unbridled hope. This looked sparked something in him, the motivation he needed, the will to keep moving forward.

His hands tightened into fists, and he forced his body onto his feet, joints grinding together painfully in protest. He ran his fingers through his dark locks and adjusted the green cloak of his scouting uniform with newfound determination. The last thing he did before soaring away through the drenched trees on his maneuvering gear, was embrace her: a girl he met just three years ago, but still the closest friend he will ever have.

Levi usually hated any form of skin contact. Dirt. Blood. Grime. Tears. A myriad of germs that his normal OCD behavior would have never allowed in a million years, but they had no effect on him at this moment. And even though the titan's fingers prevented her from returning the action, he still poured every ounce of care and affection that his usually cold personality could allow.

There was an inkling of another feeling as well, one he couldn't name. But it made him wish that they had done this kind of thing more often, maybe a lot more, when they had had the chance. He decided to bury these distracting thoughts away as he released her from his embrace for the last time. He settled for pressing their foreheads together and in their last few intimate moments he whispered, "I promise I'll do my best. For you, Sera. Just watch me." And with that, he disappeared into the cover of the forest trees.

The second his figure was no longer visible, all the energy keeping her body and head up seemed to drain away, and she slumped against the forefinger of her titan flesh trap. In her last moments, she stared up at the sky to find that the rain had stopped. The sky was now clearing, and just now appearing from behind a cloud, was the incandescent beam of the full moon.

_There's a full moon out tonight. It's probably the brightest I've ever seen_

"I'll miss you…Levi," she whispered as her last saturated breath left her body and floated up to the night sky.

Levi sat up in bed, a sheen of sweat covering his face and neck. He glared at the dark stone walls of his room, moon light shining through a large glass window.

There was a bright full moon out tonight.

_That dream again...Damn it. It's been years. Why am I thinking about her now? The night before I'm named Lance Corporal..._

He tried to push the thought out of his mind and laid his head back on the pillow, but found himself staring at the moon hiding behind the clouds through the window.

Again his dreams were flooded with memories of copper hair, emerald eyes, and a smirk.


End file.
